HELICOPTER PARENTING

Wren McDonald for the New York Times

Last night’s emailed Evening Briefing from the New York Times had this thought-provoking entry:

In one of our most read stories of the day, a contributing Opinion writer takes an unusual stance on helicopter parenting: It works.

Pamela Druckerman, an American journalist who lives in Paris, cites research by an economist at Yale and another at Northwestern collected in a new book, “Love, Money and Parenting: How Economics Explains the Way We Raise Our Kids.” They found that an “intensive parenting style” correlated with higher test scores, and kids less likely to use drugs, smoke or abuse alcohol, and more likely to delay sex.

“It’s true that high-octane, hardworking child-rearing has some pointless excesses, and it doesn’t spark joy for parents,” Ms. Druckerman writes. “But done right, it works for kids, not just in the United States but in rich countries around the world.”

Well, it may work to give the kids “higher test scores,” etc., but it doesn’t prepare them well for living. Helicopter parenting isn’t a relatively new phenomenon, though it was given a name only fifty years ago. I know several people raised by helicopter parents. They hardly know how to wash a dish or prepare a simple meal – thank heavens for restaurants and takeout – and they’ve not even got basic housekeeping skills. Making a bed is beyond them. They’re successful in their chosen fields, are moneyed, and are quite socially active. They travel widely and participate in a wide range of pastimes and sports. Because they can, they’ve amassed a lot of clothing and other possessions. To both save them time and do the thing they haven’t the foggiest notion how to do, they keep in their tablets up to date with the contact info for services like their housekeeping crew, their pet sitter, landscaper, their personal trainer, and their dry cleaning pickup. I suppose it all spurs our economy. That’s why helicopter parenting works in the rich countries. It boosts the gross national product.

Yes, they really don’t use drugs, smoke, or abuse alcohol, and perhaps they delayed sex. I’m not privy to that and I don’t care. But many are divorced, are in therapy, have to have live-in help of one kind or another, and are generally dissatisfied with life. Some realize what has happened to them, but some are hovering over their own offspring. I wish I could help them. As my mother would have said, “I feel for them, but I can’t reach them.”