DEFINING "FRIEND"

I've saved this picture for years because it shows an Amosandra doll,
one I had and loved way back in the late 40's

Though there are many multi-word, multi-sentence, descriptions for someone you know, for a great language like English, there is sometimes something missing. In Japanese, whole concepts can be embodied in just one word. Like all the Inuit words for snow and ice, we need a series of single words to describe the people in our lives, especially those we know only from brief encounters.

Do you remember Joan Walsh Anglund’s book A Friend is Someone Who Likes You? If that is true – that a friend is someone who likes you - then many people have many friends. We like most people we meet. We’d like to have a lot of friends, but are they really friends? If you like the gal who regularly checks out your purchases at the supermarket, is she your friend? Not likely. An acquaintance? Well, maybe. We’re acquainted with many people in the community, but it’s quite a long way from acquaintance to friend. If asked “Do you know Susie-Q,” an acquaintance from club meetings, you might not be able to answer “Yes, she’s a friend of mine,” because it could lead to more questions than you have the knowledge to answer. In that instance, you might just have to say – “Yes, I know who she is.”

I believe we can know who our own friends are by having the relationship pass a test or two – do you trust them, do you love them, would you discuss your health with them, would you discuss your marriage with them?

Further questions wouldn’t arise if we had more precise labels for the way we know folks. Well, most of us seniors like to gab anyway, so it might not be necessary to be brief. Besides which, it might lead to a good, perhaps juicy, conversation about the person in question.