THE CAREGIVER

Now I know why it’s best that women have their babies while they’re young. You’ve got to be young and resilient to be able to function all day after having to get up and attend to a baby’s needs so many times during the night. And all after having gone through the birth process not too long before that. I once asked my mother how she managed four children, one with special needs, and an invalid husband, injured during World War II. Her answer: “I was young.” Oh, yes, now I get it. You’ve got to be young. I am 75, no longer young.

About a month ago, Frank twisted and fell and suffered a compression fracture of one of his vertebrae. Seeing as how he wasn’t in tiptop shape, after two small strokes and at the age of 86, he did need a lot of tending once he was home from the hospital.

Tending to dressing him, tending to his back brace that keeps moving up, tending to going to get whatever it was he needed – I’ve been walking my legs off. Above all, the hardest thing is tending to helping him in and out of bed all night when he has to “use the facilities.” For a while there, that was every hour or two. It’s getting better in that respect. He no longer has to wear the brace all night, so he is more comfortable, and most nights he’s awakening only twice. My sleep has been affected because I am alert to whatever noises he makes that will indicate to me to whatever he needs. I often know he wants to go to the bathroom before he does.

It was the same last night, but - yay team! – this morning he got up and out of bed alone. He’d said he thought he could do it on his own, and he proved himself to be correct. For a while there, we’d been going two steps forward and one step back. Now it seems like every day is another step forward.

You do whatever needs to be done, and I’ve been caregiving since Frank had his first stroke, but never with this intensity. Friends have told me to watch out for my own well-being during this time of extra effort. They say that too many caregivers succumb before their spouses. I can see the truth in that, because there have been a few times when I was so tired and frustrated that just wanted to sit down and go on strike – and maybe utter a few choice words. Whew!

My thoughts go out to both young mothers and old caregivers. Hang in here, and take care of yourself.

“O TEMPORA, O MORES!”

               

    

Even as far back as the last century BCE, Cicero had those words to say about the morals and corruption of his age. Morals were lax and corruption was rampant. Every age has had its problems, every age had its elders looking back on what they perceived to be better times, safer times, much more moral times, and looking forward to change.

There have been great scandals, religious, political, and secular, in all ages.  Starting in the last century, with the increased popularity of history books and novels, television, and movies, we became increasingly aware of the changes in what society deems to be taboo on the smaller, social stage.

For example, a small one, up until the Roaring Twenties, a lady was considered “fast” if she showed her ankles. Bosoms were either covered or revealed at various times throughout the ages. A few centuries ago in society, if a lady shared more than three dances with a gentleman, it was expected that they were to marry. But that wasn’t as bad as being caught kissing: the marriage had to take place as soon as possible, lest the lady be “ruined” and she and her family bear the shame. (No shame fell to the gentleman or his family.) When it was first introduced, the waltz was looked upon with horror. In Victorian times, even such words as “arms” and “legs” were considered as disgusting. They were referred to as “limbs.”

The movies are excellent sources for chronicling how our morals and social mores have changed, especially in the last hundred years. Picture the 1934 picture It Happened One Night. Remember when Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert had to share a motel room (all movie bedrooms then had twin beds) and they hung a sheet, the “Walls of Jericho,” between the beds, for propriety’s sake? Then fast forward to 1967 and The Graduate. The Hollywood movie moral code had relaxed somewhat. We saw Ben and Mrs. Robinson together in bed – she, obviously, though not blatantly, naked. Their affair was a bit racy for the times, but acceptable.

In the years of the great movies, the movie stars were up to just a much “hanky-panky” as ever before and ever since. In the centuries prior to the movie era, such goings-on were just not mentioned, and were usually managed discretely. Come the movie era and the tabloids, and the wider circulation of news, the Hollywood powers-that-be made sure the press kept mum about offs-screen affairs that would affect the box office receipts if the general public ever got wind of what was going on. The Kathrine Hepburn-Spencer Tracy romance was a prime example of this, and in the racy atmosphere of Hollywood there were quite a few. In that era some great movies were made, and off-screen relationships were kept private. For the most part, the Hollywood community went along with it. Today, there’s still a racy atmosphere in Hollywood, and anywhere else celebrities, royals, and other newsworthy people are found. The press is no longer suppressible as it was in the days of Hepburn and Tracy or, as it was in England, when Edward VIII courted Wallis Simpson. There are always those in the know (Nudge. Nudge. Wink! Wink!) but they’re not telling.

Now, with hardly a gasp, news and photos of romantic relationships of many kinds pop up in all but the most serious news media. In the entertainment aspect of the news, “The Press” is no longer just the press – it is “The Paparazzi,” “the paps.” They’re ready to pounce for an exposé, armed with their microphones, their long lenses, and their “burning questions.” The general public now takes most of it in stride.

Today we have a good laugh at some, but not all, of what was considered socially unacceptable in years gone by. Education and exposure are changing our views and attitudes; changing our minds.

Today, and I do mean currently, we’ve opened the nasty can of worms that is sexual harassment. Was it ever “socially acceptable”? Never - though it was too often condoned and rarely brought into the light of day. The victims endured it in silence, lest they suffer whatever consequences their tormentors could dish out. Well, the sun is shining now on that nasty pastime, bringing hidden situations to light, and making the “perps" accountable for the morals and corruption of our own age

“The times they are a changin’ and all for the better.

AND THE WINNER IS....

In the last few months, I've been doing more of my weekly shopping at a nearby Walmart Neighborhood Market. I've always been a coupon clipper, and having double coupons at the local Harris Teeter, along with a lot of their discounts and BOGOs, I thought I was doing fairly well there. Dream on.
In these last months, I've not had the impressive coupon and discount totals I usually did, saving up to 35% a year on my groceries, but my overall spending is down. Nevermind the savings, what am I spending? What's the bottom line? There are one or two rare items that I can't find at my Walmart - those great Wickels and Red Oval Crackers to name the ones I'll get at Teeter, or at Publix when I want to spend $50 to use their $10 coupon off a gas card.

So - I've been trying the Walmart Great Value versions of name brand or Teeter store brand foods. I've yet to find any of the WM store brand items that I'd never buy again. Most are very good - after all, unlike the A&P that did make many of their own Ann Page foods, Walmart contracts with big producers to make their Great Vale items. One item I'd yet to try was their tuna. We like solid albacore in water. Some of the brand name tuna I'd opened lately was disappointing, to say the least. This morning I had an eye-opener.
I needed to prepare tuna salad for more than two servings, so I opened a can of Chicken of the Sea "Solid White Albacore Tuna in Water." Then I opened the next can below, a can of Great Value "Solid White Albacore Tuna in Water." The difference was so startling, I had to take pictures. Do you believe this?

And here they are dumped out of the cans. (I didn't dare dump the loose stuff on the cutting board.)

The Chicken of the Sea smelled a wee bit fishy, the Great Value tuna smelled like the sea. When mixed with mayonnaise, salt and pepper, and some dried onion flakes, they made a nice salad, but ...

Which tuna would you rather have? I do some dinners with tuna. My New Age Tuna Noodle Casserole For Two and my Papas Aliñas will be the better for this really solid tuna.

So  the winner is Walmart, and my budget is grateful.

WINTER OLYMPICS – VERSION TWENTY-THREE

As my oldest granddaughter once said: "Here my are!" I've not posted for a few weeks because I've been otherwise occupied with Frank's everyday needs. Back on February 20th, he fell and suffered a compression fracture of his L1 vertebra: piercing pangs of pain. So I've become his gofer and  bathroom assistant. Though I've lost a bit of sleep because of nighttime potty trips, it all keeps me busy, I've lost several pounds (a nice side effect) and I'm doing the exercises along with him. It's good for me. 

I passed up posting several of my essays. Frankly, some of them are really a little to "dry."  Here's one that I enjoyed researching for the magazine.  The Olympics couldn't come at a better time for a house-bound man like Frank. We've always enjoyed watching the games - summer and winter - and this year will be no exception.

On October 24 last year, the Olympic torch was lit in Greece. It was on its way, over 5,000 miles, to light the flame in South Korea at the opening ceremonies of the XXIII Winter Games on February 9. There were 16 different events at the first Winter Games were held in Chamonix, France, and there will be 102 in Pyeongchang. Some of the games to be held couldn’t even have been imagined in 1924.

The Chamonix games consisted of several events in figure skating, speed skating, Nordic skiing, bobsleigh, ice hockey, and curling. Though many people are unfamiliar with the sport of curling, it was an Olympic demonstration sport in the first games, and was given official status in 1998.

Today’s games include all of those, plus Alpine skiing, freestyle skiing, snowboarding, luge, and skeleton. As with the speed skating events where there are now short track and longer distance events, figure skating, where they no longer have to do compulsory figures, and Nordic skiing have also lengthened their event lists.

Both the Winter and Summer Olympics have had their controversies: arguments over commercialism and corporate sponsorship, doping, bribery, and cost overruns for host cities. Good and bad, happy and sad, news-wise, the Winter Olympics have fared better, usually taking a back seat to the summer events. We remember 1968 summer games in Mexico City for the fists raised in protest on the podium, and for the Fosbury Flop. 1972 in Munich brought the lethal hostage crisis, but it also gave Mark Spitz his record-breaking seven gold medals. At the 1976 games in Montreal, Nadia Comăneci scored the first perfect 10.0, but those games also brought protests against apartheid.

Sixteen countries participated in those first Winter Olympics. Over the years, Norway, which won the most medals in those games, has also won the most medals: 329. You might expect that, because so many of the events are, after all, Nordic. They practically invented skis. The United States comes in second with 282. In those first Winter Olympics, Charles Jewtraw, from New York State, won the gold in the men’s 500 meter speed skating, the first gold of the games.

Come February, we’re midway in the ice hockey and basketball seasons. The Super Bowl is usually in the books, the baseball season is yet to come, and auto racing of any kind is on winter break, as are many other popular outdoor sports. At this relatively quiet time of the year the Winter Olympics, televised since the games in Squaw Valley, have given us some very memorable moments.

At those 1960 Olympics, American David Jenkins won the gold medal in men’s figure skating and Carol Heiss won the women’s gold. Since then, we’ve watched the likes of Peggy Fleming, Scott Hamilton and Dorothy Hamill do the same. Another memorable skating moment was watching England’s Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean bring the ice dancing competition out of its staid traditions into the modern era with their stunning interpretation of a bolero.

Torvill and Dean

In skiing, we’ve watched the likes of the Mahre brothers, Phil and Steve, Bode Miller, Picabo Street, and Lindsey Vonn wipe out or win big on the slopes. In speed skating the names Eric Hayden and Apolo Ohno strike a familiar note, as do those of Bonnie Blair and Leah Poulos. The biggest and best winter memory for most of us is the “Miracle on Ice.”

In Lake Placid, in 1980, the teams played rounds in two groups. Our American team, consisting mostly of collegiate players, beat some of the historically best teams in the game, and topped their group with Sweden second. The final round robin games were played against the Soviet Union, a team of most professional players who had won the gold medal in the last four games, and the team from Finland. Never even slated to get out of the preliminary rounds, our American team beat the Soviets and then the Finns to take the gold. Goal! “Do you believe in miracles?”

Many of us remember seeing the final game live – but we didn’t. Because of complaints that the game would be held in the wee hours of the European morning, the game was held in the afternoon, and was played on tape delay here in the states. Live or on tape, the excitement was the same.

Will these 2018 games hold the same excitement and offer the same memories? We hope so. NBC will be televising everything live – no more tape delay just to entice you in prime time. Here on the east coast we are 13 hours behind South Korea – in effect, their morning will be our evening. Anyone particularly interested in any one sport may have to adjust their personal schedules to accommodate watching their favorites compete.

    

U.S.A.!! – U.S.A.!!