THINGS I HATE

The Pleasures of Hating

by Laure-Anne Bosselaar

I hate Mozart. Hate him with that healthy

pleasure one feels when exasperation has

crescendoed, when lungs, heart, throat,

and voice explode at once: I hate that! —

there’s bliss in this, rapture. My shrink

tried to disabuse me, convinced I use Amadeus

as a prop: Think further; your father perhaps?

I won’t go back, think of the shrink

with a powdered wig, pinched lips, mole:

a transference, he’d say, a relapse: so be it.

I hate broccoli, chain saws, patchouli, bra-

clasps that draw dents in your back, roadblocks,

men in black kneesocks, sandals and shorts —

I love hating that. Loathe stickers on tomatoes,

jerky, deconstruction, nazis, doilies. I delight

in detesting. And love loving so much after that.

_ooOoo_

Well I’m with the poet on a lot of the things she loves to hate. In opening that morning’s now defunct The Writer’s Almanac, the word “Mozart” caught my eye. I can’t say I hate Mozart, but most of what I call his “twiddley music” annoys me and could give me the jitters. It isn’t melodic, lyrical or smooth. I can’t hum it to myself as I can “Finlandia.” 

But I digress…

…things I hate:

·         Yes – those tickers on tomatoes, and peaches, and apples, and pears too

·         Yes also to deconstruction. Who cares what the author or composer meant? Shut up and enjoy the work.

·         Doilies? Does anyone use doilies these days?

·         People who don’t read to the end of anything - email, article, book, announcement – and then go off halfcocked, ranting and raving about something they’d have known if they’d have read the whole thing – ah, well!

·         And also – old people who think they can do or say anything they want, just because they’re old

·         Vegetables like kale and broccolini that have become diet darlings – and isn’t there a new diet darling each week?

·         Wearing anything that looks like it was made out of an American flag

·         Celebrity singers at sports events who murder our national anthem - our anthem should be sung belted out by the whole crowd.

·         Cable TV stations that repeat the same old programs ad nauseum – I’m not sure how they justify their existence to the FCC, but I’m sure they stay in business to rake in the advertising dollars.

My list might go on forever – ad nauseum – but that’s enough for now. If you are so inclined, you can click on “Curmudgeon” on my list of Topic of Interest, over there on the right.

The poet and I think the same way: I love loving so much after that.